your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
