guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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