Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
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Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
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But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
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