Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
You are a genius and a whore.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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