you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
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