i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Randomize
