Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
