that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Randomize
