i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
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