You're completely useless in the revolution.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
