so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
