Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Randomize
