I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
You did what with his pubic hair?
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
Randomize
