Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
