You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I just want nice things and good sex
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
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