and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Randomize
