i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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