trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
