happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
