Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
