Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I need a beard to bite.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Randomize