A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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