She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
