I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
