I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
