we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
That's how pantless uber rides happen
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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