take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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