3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
