You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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