Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Randomize
