when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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