He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
