Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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