did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize