Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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