hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
