how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Randomize
