I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Randomize
