Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
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