I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
She even gives head with a lisp.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
