Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
