i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
