I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
