Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Randomize
