i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
