i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
