im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
