On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Randomize