Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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