So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I am one with the molecules
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
