Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
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We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
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Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
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Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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