all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
