connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
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