Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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