Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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