Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Randomize
