As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
he was CRYING into my vagina
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Randomize
