Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
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