Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Randomize
