you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
We named our party play list daddy issues
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Randomize
