Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Randomize
