she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
people are starting to question the shark bite story
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
