ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
