I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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