He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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