We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
