I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
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