yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
I hate all girls vehemently.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize
