I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
